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in dreams, there is truth
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11th-Nov-2008 10:35 pm - asdfghjkl
kanye + north

It's funny how when a good thing comes around, I don't know at all how to handle it.

Just goes to show that I've been looking in the wrong direction the entire time.

Oh well.


23rd-Sep-2008 10:51 pm - asdfghjkl
kanye + north
I never thought I'd struggle this hard to be happy.
11th-Sep-2008 07:28 pm - not all decisons are mistakes
kanye + north
You make your decisions and you live with them; at the same time you can't help but feel that those choices were somehow mistakes.

I've made my choice, now I've decided to live with it.

It's not really that a big a deal. It was one aspect of my life that I decided to leave behind. It didn't mean as much to me anymore as it used to.

And that was true, and it's still true.

But after all the hard work and the dedication, the tears, blood, and sweat - I can't help but feel a little regretful.

We all make our choices - but they don't all have to necessarily be mistakes.

(They can sure as hell feel like it though.)
4th-Sep-2008 10:51 pm - K YEAH IT'S BEEN AWHILE
kanye + north


Okay, I'll stop.

Yeah, I haven't posted in quite some time. School's basically started and I have my hands full with procrastinating on my homework and going out everyday. I've suddenly begun spending myself into debt, so I've productively begun writing out all my expenditures in a handy little notebook everyday. Hopefully this will prevent me from losing all my money within a week's time.

I wanted to write some deep, thoughtful blog about how it's my SENIOR YEAR - you know, reflect on all my growth as a person and some other sentimental blah.

I don't know. I don't feel very ... emotional about any of it. I'm actually feeling very indifferent about everything actually.

It's like ... wow, I've never felt more empty. And not the, "my life is meaningless" sort of empty, where I've spiraled myself into utter despair or anything, I just find things so uneventful. With the election and all these other heated issues floating around, it's depressing that nothing has really spurred any emotion out of me as of late.

It's like, I'm trying to fill in all these empty spaces with clothes or movies or books or something, just to fill in the blank - but I find after I turn away for a second those spaces are empty again, and I'm slowly running out of things to fill them with.

Am I having a mid-life crisis or something? Does this mean I'm going to die at the age of 34?

Jesus, I should stop. Complaining about not having anything to complain about makes me sound like such an asshole.

15th-Jul-2008 09:08 pm - creative writing
kanye + north
Because it's never easy.

I sit alone sometimes, and try and string together the proper words, hoping they'll sound eloquent and witty on the tip of my tongue (and so not cliche), but all I ever come up with are these convoluted sentences broken by too many pauses, and a sharp intake of breath - holding back what I really mean to say because I know deep down I really should just keep my mouth shut.

And maybe in the end all we'll ever have are awkward drunken nights and unfairly sober moments in crowded rooms with noisy people and quiet, meaningful glances. Simple emotions seem so intangible, worse than sand slipping through your dry palms, but like smoke floating whimsically in the air - taunting and untouchable, the way people are, the way you are, the way I wish I could be.

Your fingers twiddle together nervously, you stare around in the dark corners of this poorly lit room seemingly out of place - and those could be the simple things, the simple reasons that matter - but things between us were never simple - besides, though there isn't much of an 'us' to begin with, is there?

A night like this should be spent philosophically pondering about all my shortcomings and wondering what there is I could've done better - could possibly do better. I should worry more about school, about my relationships with my friends, about bettering myself for the lengthy road ahead that is senior year - but lately all I can think about are a few stolen words in a smoky room, and wondering if anything will ever come of  these pathetically high hopes.

Like success, like contentment, and like the lights that shine so mockingly bright out in the distance - everything just seems so completely out of reach, including you.
27th-Jun-2008 03:17 pm - summmmmer lovin`
kanye + north
Reading my last post, it's insane to think my life was so stressful and upsetting less than a month ago. Well, it's not all that perfect right now, but it's so much more bearable now that I'm out of school and relaxing at home - worrying as far as the next day, not the next month.

I'm still worrying a bit about prom though, summer work, and SAT tutoring - but whatever, I'll get to it eventually, right?

I'm trying to do this whole "working out" thing, which is actually going surprisingly well, contrary to what many people might think.

And that's all I really have to say for now. Not very exciting ... Oh well.
2nd-Jun-2008 12:20 pm - i hate school
kanye + north
Homework is stupid. Finals are stupid. TEACHERS are stupid. Am I seriously stuck here another year of my life?

School is a fucking, idiotic, horribly-organized government establishment whose sole aim is to break down the aspirations of the youth of America, victimize us and transform us into conformist thinkers in order to carry on our backs the economy of the rich, over-privileged, stock-owning politicians and businessmen.

I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate school.

(I think you get the point.)
22nd-May-2008 11:06 pm - gee thanks
kanye + north
What the fuck, Life? Why do you hate me so much?

Things keep getting freaking complicated.

I shouldn't think about myself so much. Fuck this shit, I need to join the Peace Corps or become Buddhist or something and forget about all my worldly troubles.

On another note - YAY DAVID COOK!

11th-May-2008 01:36 pm - asdk;lkf;sa
kanye + north
I fucking hate my dad sometimes.

Screw college. After high school, I'm just going to hitch-hike to New York with $500 and become a starving artist.
6th-May-2008 10:33 pm - artwork and adjacents
kanye + north
Kathleen is awesome because she dedicates blogs to me. She'll get her special dedication, too - she'll just have to wait till my mind is clear of US History and Calculus terms.

But for some reason, creative writing relieves the stress. Care to read?

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